"Fear Not"

It is a well known fact that I am a sappy, naive, over-emotional female. I have always been this way. In my elementary school years I earned the nickname "Niagara Falls" (for crying all the time), and in High School I was referred to as "the innocent child" (because I rarely understood suggestive jokes). Becoming a mother has only increased the sensitive tendency towards sappiness! My kids are repeatedly remarking, "Mom doesn't know what that means," and there are many good laughs at my expense. I don't care most of the time. I have plenty of other things to worry about. Most recently on my mind is the impending departure of yet another missionary son.

People sometimes ask, "Do you think it will be easier this time?" May I say, emphatically, "NO!" Already I am dreading the heartbreaking adjustment that I know is inevitable following another tearful 'good-bye.' Sometimes I just look at Easton and wonder what we will do for entertainment after he is gone.

Sunday afternoon was our stake Standards Night fireside. Easton was something less than thrilled to go. Nevertheless, he is a young man bound by duty - he feels compelled to do what is right! It is a quality that I appreciate greatly.

I sat next to him through the entire fireside without much thought or emotion. Then it was time for the closing song. The youth are well acquainted with the seminary theme song written by one of the teachers at Jordan. It is called "Fear Not." The words were posted on a screen so that all of us could sing it, but truthfully I have never heard a group of youth sing with more reverence and conviction - it is a song they love!! The girls sing the opening verse and the boys join in on the second verse. The last two lines are:

Help me to find my way

Give me thy peace

Then the young men sing the words of one of my favorite hymns,

Fear not I am with thee,

Oh, be not dismayed

For I am thy God and will still give thee aid.

I'll strengthen thee, help thee and cause thee to stand,

Upheld by my righteous, omnipotent hand.

It's not often that I get the chance to hear my 18 year-old son sing. If I do hear him, it is usually a popular rap tune that I would prefer not to hear. So, when I heard him singing those words with such conviction, I was completely overcome. I know that he has known fear in his life. Even more, I know that he knows where to turn for help when he feels fear. He has become a powerful example of faith in my life. His influence as a missionary is sure to be great.

Easton has become the most delightful person to have around. He is funny, happy and clever. His friends, life and personality add excitement and joy to our home. We laugh at his crazy hairdos, are in awe at his physique, find joy in his antics.

Just last week he got asked to the Sweethearts dance with 50 plus goldfish. What a great time we have watching him live his life! He will be greatly missed. . . and I will be true to my sappy reputation - and shed many tears!!

"I Am So Happy"

Every once in a while a parent gets an illuminating glimpse into the spirit of those amazing individuals that we refer to as our children. I try not to miss those moments - they are the paydays from heaven!

Last weekend was the Priesthood Preview in our ward for all the young men turning 12 during the upcoming year. Alan and Teagan were both asked to speak. Teagan mentioned it several times during the week and spent some quiet minutes on Sunday afternoon preparing what he would say. He has a tender and receptive spirit that often makes speaking a difficult task. However, he seemed calm and unconcerned about the assignment. His turn on the program finally arrived, and he walked to the front and began speaking.

"I have never thought that being the youngest member of the family is such a great thing. My older brothers love to beat up on me. My older sisters like to tease me and tell me what to do. But when it comes to having examples to learn from, I have had plenty!"

It was at about that point in his talk that the spirit kicked in and the tears began to come...

"When I think about how I am preparing to receive the priesthood, I guess I have been preparing for a long time. I have received priesthood blessings from my dad ever since I was a baby. I have watched my brothers bless and pass the sacrament, collect fast offerings and go home teaching. I have read awesome missionary letters about how lives are changed by the spirit, and I have seen miracles in my own family."

It was at this point that I began to cry. I am in complete awe of the children that surround me. They are good, brave and happy people. If I ever make it back "home" it will be because of them!

Teagan turns 12 this next week. He has been interviewed to receive the priesthood and has completed his Faith in God requirements in Primary. His first temple recommend will be valid as soon as he is ordained in the priesthood. I have taken for granted that these things will occur just as they have. I scarcely gave thought to any of the events of the day of his interview until I put him in bed that night. "Mom," he called as I walked out of his room. "What, Teag," I replied. "I am so happy right now," he said. "I have my first temple recommend."

It is a pretty big deal to be worthy to enter the Lord's house. I am overcome every week when I have the chance to go there. I can't wait for him to feel that sweet spirit as he enters.

More Than Just a Job. Really??

l" jo After all, it is only part-time. It is just at the Elementary School -- and, let's be honest, I have been a parent volunteer there for the past 17 years. I barely see my miniscule paycheck before it's gone. And I still prefer to be called Joni or "Teagan's mom" rather than Mrs. Hansen. On the flip side, however, I do have a key to my classroom; and I even own a magnetic badge that gets me into the school.

Like every job, mine has its definite pros and cons. Number one on both sides of that list is "I GET TO WORK WITH KIDS!" Working with kids does amazing things for your self-image. Sometimes the results are positive and sometimes they are negative. Here are just a few examples:

1st Grade student: Do you have your daughters boots on?

Me: No.

Student: Are you wearing your daughter's shirt?

Me: No.

Student: Oh. (And then a look of deep thought crossed her face, so I asked...

Me: Do you think my outfit looks too young for how old I am?

Student: Yeah, kind-of!

You've got to love that kind of honesty. And since I am not willing to allow a six year old to be my fashion consultant, I had a great laugh about it! What I do know is that when I want this little first grader to really pay attention I just wear my peace sign earrings! On those days, we're both all about the peace sign earrings, and reading and understanding and learning!

Another day I was chatting with my sixth graders before we began our reading. I commented, "When you guys are old like me...." To which one graciously replied, "You mean like when we are FORTY?" "Yea, that's exactly what I mean - when you are forty." (Or maybe even OLDER than FORTY!!) What a great confidence builder!

My favorite was the day that one of my sixth graders said, "my dad is SOOOOO old. He's way older than any of my friends' parents!" Now, since this student happens to be one of Teagan's friends, I paid particular attention. "So, how old is your dad?" I questioned. "He's waaaayyy old. He's 49!" Like a shot right to the heart, the answer took the air right out of me. "Wow, he is old" was all I could say!

Just this week I asked my students if they had made any New Year's resolutions. One boy replied, "Yea, I'm going to get my mom to go on a diet!" "You can't make resolutions for someone else!" I replied. "Yes I can, and I'm going to get my mom to go on a diet!" It just made me wonder what resolutions my own children are making for their mom!?

I love the "Hi, Mrs. Hansen" that I hear as I walk down the hall. I like the compliments, "I like your shoes" and the innocence of youth, "You look pretty today!" But the best part about my job is the daily hugs I get before the kids leave to go back to their homerooms. Somedays they make me feel old, and somedays they make me feel young. But most of the time they make me feel like I am doing something that really matters, and that is a great feeling!